Dear Cupid – Let’s be straight. We are clearly in a fight.
I’d like to say that I am a single, bitter girl. That my icy demeanor has hardened me to the sweetness of your confectionary accolades. That I am writing you a ranting manifesto because I am so overcome with seething rage that I see flashes of red.
Or that I am so desperately and painfully alone that I would date anyone who gives me the slightest hint of interest. That I spend all my nights curled up with pints of Ben & Jerry’s watching marathons of Grey’s Anatomy and crying my way through a box of tissues.
I mean sure. I’ve kind of been in both places a bit before. And the explosion of pink and hearts and shiny things coming up next week certainly is not helping.
But the truth is, fat little winged baby, I am not angry OR sad. In fact, it is actually easier to feel those emotions. Because as expansive and huge as those feelings are, at least I understand them. Yet, the only word I can come up with to describe my whole love situation is: frustrated.
* I am frustrated that I am so content and happy with my life that I’m not “putting myself out there” trying to find the love of my life.
* I am frustrated by the nagging feeling that even though I am content and happy I want someone to share things with.
* I am frustrated that people whisper and speculate about “why I’m still single” like there must be something wrong with me.
* I am frustrated that I let myself occasionally wonder if there IS indeed something wrong with me cause I am still single.
* I am frustrated that my guy friends constantly muse over a pint of beer that they “don’t understand why I don’t have a boyfriend.”
* I am frustrated that I have such a hopelessly romantic soul trapped in a ridiculously analytical mind.
* I am frustrated that I do not shun the idea of pure unrestrained vulnerable love nor do I embrace it.
* I am frustrated that I feel like punching people in the throat as hard as I can when they tell me to “not to try so hard” or “that love will find you when you least suspect it” or “have you tried online dating?”
* I am frustrated that the person I am interested in makes me laugh when I am stressed and is brilliant and adventurous and adorable and all that stupid lovey-dovey junk.
* I am frustrated that I don’t want to date perfectly wonderful guys that are interested in me.
* I am frustrated that Molly Ringwald and Meg Ryan and those Disney Princesses all sold me on a fantasy of love that absolutely does not exist.
And I somehow got the second-string JV Waterboy.
So yes, I am not overly STOKED to be single for the 11th straight Valentine’s Day in a row (thank you college boyfriend for saving me from an even dozen on that statistic!)
I don’t want to force a relationship or desperately plead with the universe to find me my missing piece just so that I can finally be with someone.
And I don’t want to sit home alone in the dark sobbing hysterically at my lonely misery while loading a potato gun and red-lining my ex’s neighborhood.
I just want a chance.
A chance to feel love and to give love in return.
I don’t think that is so much to ask for.
So…JV Waterboy Cupid…you wanna hook a girl up?
Elisa Doucette can always be reached for chatting over coffee, venting via pints, celebrating with martini's and much more at elisa.doucette(at)gmail.com. If you want to read more of her musings and ramblings you can check out her website Ophelia's Webb.